Novelist’s Parents Discuss Son’s Book

Godfather parodyMary Donatello has just opened an Amazon package containing a paperback copy of Still Counting, the novel narrated by her son Adam.

Mary: Hey, Joey, come here, come here. Adam’s an author!

Joey:   A blog about ironic alliteration that no one reads does not qualify him as an author.

Mary: No. It’s a real book. The one about him and Nina. Remember?

Joey:   Did he mention us?

Mary:  How should I know? I just got it.

Joey:   I hope he didn’t say nothin’ about the gerbils.

Mary: Well it would serve you right for kidding around all the time.

Joey:   Let me see it.

Mary: Be careful. Don’t crease the pages.

Joey:   It’s a book. You can’t read it without turning the pages.

Mary:  Just be gentle.

Joey:   Look at this. He says I shit like clockwork.

Mary:  Well you do.

Joey:   But the whole friggin’ world doesn’t have to know it.

Mary: Everyone who knows you already knows your schedule. The rest of the world doesn’t care. Plus it’s fiction.

Joey:   Fiction? Listen to this. He says I sometimes try to talk like a Mafioso. That ain’t no fiction.

Mary:  They say authors should write about stuff they know. So sometimes there’s some truth mixed in with the fiction.

Joey:   So now you’re a literary critic?

Mary:  I read everything on Oprah’s list.

Joey:   Wait a minute here’s something about you.

Mary: What did he say?

Joey:   He says you’re a no-nonsense matriarch with a bellowing voice like a sports announcer. He says you’re a clean freak and you always cook too much when we have company.

Mary:  He’s a good boy.

Joey:   You always liked him best.

Mary: But you’re a close second.

Joey:   Does that mean it’s time to get the gerbils?

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